take my HAND; and GUIDE me through*

Saturday, May 29, 2010
5:31 AM

Oh well, still wide awake at this hour. It is one of those unlucky days whereby I think, think, and think. Oh well, sometimes I think I am too much of a thinker, and it doesn't help especially I am a pessimistic person.

Right now, I am thinking about my career path. I started with so much excitement in this field, but the school has to disappoint me again and again. I kinda hate the school now, because I think it almost led me to suicidal. Passion suicidal. Not that I am giving it up but I kinda think that it doesn't bring me any good if I continue the "dream path" most chefs would want. Not that I give up easily, but throughout this course of hardship and pain, I realised what is really important to me.

You. Your love, support and encouragement stand out among everything that I possess. When I achieved smthing, you are there to share it with me. When I was having my suckiest day ever, you are also there. It's you, that give me life to my life. Without you, my passion in this industry is probably nothing at all. If I had to choose being a successful chef and you, I would definitely choose you, without a doubt at all. Becoz it's you, that brings colour to my passion. Now, becoz I am aware how important you are to me, I rather work around my passion than to sacrifice my time with you. I love food and I love to cook, but only when u are there with me. I want to cook with love, not like most chefs who cook with passion but only for themselves. It's becoz of ur presence, that I love food and cooking. So if I lose you, my passion will not be my passion anymore.

When I studied psychology, I felt that I am a better person. I care for ppl more and I feel better as a person. When I stepped into this culinary field, I have to admit, I think I have changed for the worst. I have become more selfish and I think some times I have become a monster. I've stopped loving and sharing. I know I shouldn't let myself to change, but circumstances made me to do so, just becoz I have to protect myself. Yes, I might be stronger, but I have become an evil person too. I have read a quote before, true happiness comes from giving and sharing, and I thought it made lots of sense. And I think I felt so much happier last time becoz I could give so much to the ppl ard me, esp to the ppl I love.

I hated it when I have to ignore my parents' help, esp from my mum, just becoz my only and one off day it's so precious that I felt that I should have the right to do wadever I want. BUT I HATED IT. I HATE FEELING THIS WAY.

Oh well, I know it doesn't help to keep rambling about this becoz I have a couple more mths to endure this shit. And I tell myself, once I am out of this, I swear that I am going to lead a better life than those losers who tried to make my life difficult.

I guess, no female chef has written a book about how the culinary industry is like for the females. Even males said it's tough, imagine it for a female who might even face more problems. Ha, who knows, it might be one of the best selling book.

Anyway, just to let you know that I love you so much, that I know I can't live without you. I want to cook for you again, and see your lovely smile, and you know, wadever u have done for me is really worth it :)

hold me TIGHT; and NEVER let go*
LoveLeftBy ~*Crystal
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take my HAND; and GUIDE me through*

Sunday, February 07, 2010
12:00 PM

My baby just came back from his bball session.. lying there.. almost dying.. But he look so cute la.. and so sexy lying at one corner.. Hahahha.. Me not thinking straight again. :) Poor darling got tummy runs since last night... if I am free, I would make nice and comforty food for him, so that he will feel better. Take care alright baby? Love and hugs u!(Aiyoh, somemore making sexy noises and heavy breathing now... Score more points on being SEXY!)

Valentine's day coming and we plan to go to OSO Ristorante. It's an Italian restaurant. Baby knows that I am craving for ravioli and pastas are one of my favourites :) Thanks baby! Valentine's Day also mark our 6 th yr annivasary! OMG.. we sound so old now.. So, when can we hear the rings of the wedding bells? I don't know yet :P

hold me TIGHT; and NEVER let go*
LoveLeftBy ~*Crystal
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take my HAND; and GUIDE me through*

Sunday, January 03, 2010
3:13 AM

I don't know if you will ever read this blog anymore.. but it's okay.. I'm just gonna type it down. You came over to my hse moments ago and collected everything. I could almost died on the spot. You looked like you couldn't wait to leave. And alright, I respected ur decision.. that's y I didn't want to talk further. I know you chose to come when my friends were ard.. so that I won't take so much of your time.

I cried so many times today.. outside and at work.. even almost in front of my friends. I don't know why it hurts so much. I have this impluse to msg u today and was constantly waiting for ur msg.. but it didn't come. I know it will never come.

I deserve this sorrow. I do't know when will I ever get over it. Yes, I may have seem to move on.. but no... I m just putting on a brave front. I don't want others to worry. The song u dedicated to me. I love it. every single sentence of the lyrics pierce my heart deeply. At that point of time.. I really wished everything was a nightmare. I wished there wasn't anyone else but just the both of us. But I know it is impossible. Becoz I have to be responsible for my own actions and it would be selfish of me to ask u back into my life. Simply becoz u deserve so much better.

hold me TIGHT; and NEVER let go*
LoveLeftBy ~*Crystal
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take my HAND; and GUIDE me through*

Saturday, January 02, 2010
11:22 PM

Painful. Tears are my best friends now.

hold me TIGHT; and NEVER let go*
LoveLeftBy ~*Crystal
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take my HAND; and GUIDE me through*

hold me TIGHT; and NEVER let go*
LoveLeftBy ~*Derrick
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take my HAND; and GUIDE me through*

Wednesday, December 23, 2009
8:53 PM

Today marks my first attempt at preparing strawberry shortcake for my dearest lao po as a surprise. The idea just came suddenly as i was randomly surfing through some of the food blogs. Then i thought, have i made a dessert for my baby before? Erm maybe honey dew sago... Hmmm how about those dessert with a western touch to it. After countless round of recalls, some impression starts to form in my mind. Pana Cotta....Pana Cotta and Pana Cotta.. ya and that's the only western dessert that i've presented to my dear dear till now. Sounds kinda insignificant.

Then off i go, i packed my stuffs and took down the recipes and head to cold storage for my ingredients shopping!!! Hurray~~ The only reason i head down to Yishun cold storage is to get the graham crumbs. But after having tasted it, i can easily replicate with some melted butter and crushed digestive biscuit. They are of no difference at all! But anyway,it doesn't matter, as long as i can get my ingredients for my baby's small little pre-christmas surprise, i'm happy enough =)

Overall, the dessert was not bad. And thanks to my baby's generous grading, i've got 11/10 for my strawberry cheese cake. I think all the 10 points i received was out of effort, then the additional 1 point was that i prepared it with love. I like the happy look on your face when u stuff spoonfuls of cheesecake into your mouth. And i particularly enjoyed the cutesy look when u asked me what and where was the surprise.

Baby had an exhaustive day.... Although we din manage to head out this evening, but as long as i'm with you, it doesn't matter where we are or what we are doing.. I'm contented =) Anyway, my darling is still asleep right now, hopefully she doesn't sleep throughout the night. We still have our customized photo album to work on.

Alrights, to end of the post, here's a song by the artist who never had a chance to get his song published. Enjoy~

I likes (by derrick yee)
I like to look at you when u are asleep.
I like to smell you on your cheek when you just woke up.
I like to snuggle u in my arms.
I like to kiss you on your forehead.
I like to snatch blanket and pillow with you.
I like to hook my legs and cuddle you like a bear.
I like to hold your hand to bed.
I like your cheeky actions.
I like to look you in the eyes.
I like to kiss your soft luscious lips.
I like to french kiss my baby
I like to manage your back... and your ....
I like to see u sleep talk
I like to listen to my baby
I like to lie beside you

hold me TIGHT; and NEVER let go*
LoveLeftBy ~*Derrick
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take my HAND; and GUIDE me through*

Sunday, November 29, 2009
8:53 AM

It's sunday and i'm up surprisingly early... Maybe i shouldn't run anymore at night but sometimes the night can be scary. Especially when i'm alone. Over the supper outing, we had a bit of casual chat over the word "missing". There are times when the situation was really bad for your case like say when i was still serving my NS, when i went overseas for army exercise, when u went to Langkawi with Bernice realising that i was not around at night. Baby.. I missed you just as much or even more when i can't be there for u. U might not feel it becos i tend to bottle my feelings to myself last time.. I dun want you to know that i'm not coping well. I just want you to be happy. I knew things wasn't easy on your part, but we have made it through the tough times =) I really want to give you a comforting hug and say that "Everything is ok, now that i'm with you, u wouldn't get to miss me anymore. You are all that i need, you are all that i care, i'll make u my most important priority. I will love you with every beat of my heart and i swear"

Title: Boyz II Men - I Swear lyrics

I swear
By the moon and the stars in the skies
And I swear
Like the shadow that's by your side

I see the questions in your eyes
I know what's weighing on your mind
You can be sure I know my part'

Cus I stand beside you through the years
You'll only cry those happy tears
And though I make mistakes
I'll never break your heart(Chorus)

And I swear
By the moon and the stars in the skies
I'll be there
I swear like the shadow that's by your side
I'll be there

For better or worse,
'till death do us part
I'll love you with every beat of my heart
And I swear

I'll give you every thing I can
I'll build your dreams with these two hands
We'll hang some memories on the walls

And when, and when just the two of us are there
You won't have to ask if I still care'
Cus as the time turns the page,
my love won't age at all

And I swearI swear by the moon and the stars in the skies
I'll be there
I swear like the shadow that's by your side
I'll be there

For better or worse,
'till death do us part
I'll love you with every beat of my heart
And I swear

And I swear
I swear by the moon and the stars in the skies
I'll be there
I swear like the shadow that's by your side
I'll be there

For better or worse,
'till death do us part
I'll love you with every beat of my heart
And I swear

Although this song is kinda old school and you probably have heard it during your secondary school days, it has so much depth in it lyrics and depicts my emotion that i want to express only to you. I was trying to hold back my tears even when i was copying and formatting the lyrics, but i know i shouldn't... Even if i did, i did it silently.

I love to see u in bed.. At times when you are asleep, at times when you woke me up in your sleep talk mode, at times when you just roll from side to side, trying to find a comfortable position to sleep. Even now when i'm blogging and you are asleep, I'm happy cos when i turn over i can see you at least for now. You are so cute. Pouting your lips right now when i turned over. Feels like kissing you all over at the expense of waking you up, but i din want too.. you seem so tired. A hearty breakfast with a cute, handsome, charming guy should be able to energize your day right?

Naughty little tummy giving out some funny noises. Shh!!! hold on for a while.. baby is going to be awake soon ok =)

hold me TIGHT; and NEVER let go*
LoveLeftBy ~*Derrick
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take my HAND; and GUIDE me through*

Thursday, November 26, 2009
9:09 PM

26/11/2009

Waking up at 430am, preparing till about 2 the night before. It seems like a tiring feat but we seem make it through just to see the early morning smile from the sun. From preparing the breakfast to the moment we sat down by the cafe, viewing the magnificant sunrise, every moment was so precious to me that i wanted time to stop really at that instance. Holding your waist and hugging you from behind, with the breathe takening view right before our eyes, i felt as though i'm on top of the world. With ur fingers intertwine with mine i can bare to leave that wondrous place.

While preparing the food, i often steal glances at what u are doing. Every single task u did was filled with commitment. And that's very much the beauty in you. I couldn't help but to stop what i was doing and be mesmerized by your cooking attitude. I really appreciate the effort you put in to prepare all the dishes. I still remember when u forget to buy full cream milk, u gave the look of disappointment. But when i volunteer to drive to the petrol pump to get it for u, u jumped for joy and came over to give me a kiss. I'm indeed having the best moment of my life today not just because of the kiss, but because i was given the chance to cook with you baby. I still vividly remember every ocassion when we work together to prepare something different. Sometimes u did the cooking, i did the washing... If i was given the chance, i will want to cook with u over and over again. Trying out new receipe, having u teaching me something new that u have learnt. I promise i will pay 1000% attention when u teach =).

You should have seen the happiness on my face when i blogged this post. I will cherish every single moment i have with you more now for the amount of time we are able to meet is lesser compared to the past. I just want to give u the best, to make u feel loved and cared for.. I look forward to the next outing with you baby. For every one will be a completely new experience.

Labels: A day to remember...

hold me TIGHT; and NEVER let go*
LoveLeftBy ~*Derrick
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